A Welcome Guest

Today started with about an hour of sneezing. Yay spring. We didn’t get the rain we were promised, which would have washed some of that pollen out of the air. The good news was, I had a better night’s sleep so was a little more functional, even with the sneezing.

I finally remembered to take down the rest of the snowflakes—the ones in the guest room window. I did my Bible reading and finished the critiquing I needed to do, and as far as I know my brain was actually working. I also listed some more stuff for sale and made a batch of no-bake cookies for the guys.

This afternoon my friend Marsha came over for a visit:

I know exactly when we became friends 28 years ago. At that time, she was working for Walter at the university and I was very pregnant with my sixth child. I came down with a severe respiratory infection, and Marsha heard about it from Walter, so she brought us dinner—chicken enchiladas. (Yes, it’s her recipe that has become so beloved in our family.) That’s the first time I met her. The following night, she brought dinner again. And every night until I had my baby. And remember, there were seven of us back then.

There was a period of years when we saw her and her husband Steve quite often, but we see them very rarely now, so today was a treat. She told me she mostly stays at home these days, but she wants to see me more often, especially since we’re leaving at some point. So I asked her if she would tell me when she wants to get together or if she wanted me to bug her about it. She wants me to bug her.

Which brings me to something I’ve been thinking about a lot. I read an article recently about loneliness in later life, and the thrust of the piece was that older people realize at some point that they’re the ones putting all the effort into relationships, and when they stop doing that, their friends don’t reach out, and they realize their friends never really cared about them and the relationships die. Then they become lonely.

That has not been sitting well with me. People often tell me that they’re amazed at how many friends I have—all of whom I adore. And I usually point out that I put a lot of effort into maintaining those relationships—which is true. I think it’s a consequence of growing up overseas and realizing that maintaining relationships over vast distances would certainly require some effort.

But here’s the thing. I have also come to believe that when it comes to friendship, there are two kinds of people. There are initiators and responders. The article I read would have me believe that responders don’t really care about the relationship and are happy to see it die. I don’t believe that is always true. I have chosen to be an initiator, even though it doesn’t come naturally to me, because I love my friends and I want to stay in touch. So I send texts and cards and letters and invite them over and (ahem) invite myself to their houses.

And my friends respond with joy and delight. They are happy to hear from me and as far as I can tell, truly enjoy my company when we get together—even if I am always the one who initiates it. Of course, a few of my friends are also initiators, which is great, because then we both are putting effort into maintaining our friendship. But I also find great satisfaction in maintaining relationships with responders. Because I love them, I don’t mind being the initiator. And frankly, given all the heartache I’ve experienced in recent years, my friendships are more important to me than ever. So I will just keep right on initiating.

After Marsha left, I had my lupper and then went to work in the kitchen. I’m hoping to take a load of stuff to the thrift store this week—maybe even tomorrow—so I’ve been going through my cupboards and pulling out the big serving dishes I’ve been saving for the future family gatherings that I now know will never happen. Might as well get rid of them. I still have a very well-equipped kitchen. I’m sure I’ll get rid of even more stuff over the next few months.

This evening after our video, I got some meat ready and into the dehydrator to make jerky for our trip. I don’t know why I don’t make it more often. I mean, there’s no rule that says you can only eat jerky on road trips!

We did get an email from CTEN today saying they’d received all our paperwork and therefore will move to the next step. Not sure how long that will take, but Walter is very impatient!

Joy Spark: Seeing Marsha, of course!